Let's talk crazy, shall we? As if we haven't been doing that all along, eheheh...

Now, Mr. Afraid To Love...sadly he's been distant the past few days. I believe he does miss me, but there's that sense of being a lesser priority that does leave me only being able to interact with him in game for a bit. A part of me wonders though if he's doing it in part to help me cool off on the interest level. Kinda like a "Whoops, too hot! Gotta stop for a while before she goes overboard!" And if that's the case, then fine...whatever. As usual, I fall into my old remedy...and given he's not wanting to be exclusive, it's not as bad a thing to fall back on.

The remedy? Taking up another's interest, of course.

There's been a gent on MSN I've been getting to know (Funny how it's Mr. Afraid To Love's fault that I've been using MSN at work now). He, like Mr. Soul Mate, has made me feel like he can understand me and my feelings because he's felt similar pain. We're still learning things about each other, but I have grown to care for him, and there is a strong attraction there. But, interestingly enough, my heart has not slipped into love yet with him. I can feel it standing at the edge, considering it like a dip into the pool. I know why though. It's because he's really far away. As in out of the country. As in there is likely no way it could work. I think we both understand this...a desire wished and sense enough to realize it can't be fulfilled in the way we would like.

But still....there is a part of me that wants to make a dream come true, at least for a moment. Are you with me yet? Yes...I'm wanting to visit him.

You can stop your cries of my insanity and worry right now, because in the end I'll do as I choose. But...my instincts have been right on people before. I know this man is who he says he is. I know that things would be okay. It would not be cheap in the way of travel, but it is close enough that I can manage it on my own. We've both been feeling alone and unwanted...I just can't help the urge inside me to want to give him a moment of happiness. A memory to hopefully last a lifetime. Me doing unto another as I would want one to do for me.

And then I hear you say, "Why not have it the other way around?" Well, honestly, the thought of having him visit here has crossed my mind. But I do not know if I can do it. It'd be a lot easier if I did, he could stay here longer than I could there...It would just depend on schedules. It's something I'll need to work out with him. Anyway...it's still just an idea at this point. We'll find out soon enough if it can be made a reality.

Mr. Afraid To Love has been made aware that someone else is interested in me. It's a difficult situation though. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, being able to have what girls he wants but keeping them only to himself. But I need attention. I'm competitive. I know at some point my heart will break because I wasn't enough for him, even though I love him enough to be willing to try. So I'm trying to counter that coming pain. But I don't want him to somehow be hurt either. Even if he is unwilling to love me, I know he's lonely deep down and does want *someone* in his life. But I can't play by his rules forever....he knows I can't.