Some things are just inevitable. No matter how hard you try to keep it in check, stop it from happening...it just does.

The gent from my last entry...he doesn't want me to tell him...but I've fallen for him. He doesn't want to hurt me by having a one-sided love, but it's already there. I feel love for him, but it hurts that I cannot say it for his sake.

The way he treats me, I feel like he does have feelings for me...I think a major point on the matter though is the fact that we are a virtual relationship. That he is keeping himself from falling completely since neither of us would be able to see each other in person, for long periods at a time anyway. It's easier to just to keep the relationship at the computer, not strain ourselves to evolve it into something more. I understand this, given I have trouble with distance...but I just couldn't stop my heart even so. When he's around and we talk and are affectionate, it makes me happy. He makes me feel like I *am* good enough, even though he is afraid to go there.

So, I just needed some place to say it...a place to vent out what I wish he'd let me tell him, even though he's afraid to hear it.

I love him. Even if he'll never return it, for fear or distance, I love him very much. He's always been so supportive, trying to comfort and advise in what ways he knows how. It doesn't matter if they don't always help, it means so much that he cares enough to make an effort. He's shown me that he values me as a person. He values my presence, my care, my affection, my willingness to do what I can for him. Even though he is afraid to love me, I do not feel he takes me for granted like others have tended to do. He wants to spend time with me, is reluctant to part at times even though he must. He misses me when I am gone. He can be so sweet, so clever, so imaginative and sexy and wonderful... How can he expect me not to love him for that? It's too late...the arrow has struck deep into my heart.

But I understand the situation. So I will continue to hide it in what ways I can...and keep going...